I recently went to a seminar by Todd Wilson (www.familymanweb.com) on Lies Homeschooling Moms Believe. We, as moms, can set the bar pretty high sometimes. I went into this session thinking, "I don't really think I believe lies about who I am." Clearly God wanted to remind me of what the Bible says in Proverbs 16:18
"Pride goes before destruction, and haughtiness before a fall."
I cried for most of the session. I couldn't believe it. I WAS ONE OF THOSE MOMS!
There is this idea in homeschooling circles that if you don't grind your own wheat, bake your own bread, sew your children's clothes, have perfectly behaved children, have a quiet time every morning, and the perfect marriage, you are failing. I believed that. I beat myself up all the time for not have healthy, organic meals. I was embarrassed at how my kids acted sometimes. There are mornings when I don't like Jon very much. Why did I set the bar so high? Who cares if we don't have fresh bread? Who cares if my kids pants have holes in the knees? Who cares if Jon and I had an argument this morning?
Todd Wilson said something that has been playing over and over in my head for the past two weeks.
"If it doesn't bring you joy, it will be a burden."
If grinding wheat and baking bread brings you joy, have at it! But if it does not, then it will weigh you down and make you miserable.
So today, I am making some confessions:
1. I buy my bread from the store, and yes, sometimes it is the white bread.
2. Some days we stay in our pajamas all day.
3. Jon and I love each other very much, but we don't always get along.
4. Sometimes, we skip school and do nothing all day.
5. My kids fight and argue.
6. Sometimes I yell at my kids.
7. Some days I don't even crack open my Bible.
And I don't make healthy, organic meals. In fact, Ty has had a turkey sandwich (white bread, processed cheese, preservative full meat), cantaloupe, a pickle, fruit snacks (corn syrup, colors and who knows what else), and pudding (pre-packaged) for lunch for the past three days. He's fed and happy. That's what is important to me right now.
Now how many of you think I'm a failure? Hopefully none of you. But this is the misery we put ourselves through. I can't tell you how freeing it is to not be burdened by expectations that others have on you. These are the things that are important to us:
1. Love God with all our hearts
2. Having a close family
3. Making sure the kids are getting a excellent education
4. Teaching responsibility
5. Serving others
Those are not burdens for me. They are joys! When I am focused on things that are not important to me, I forget the things that are important to me. I encourage you to find out what is important to you. What drives your motivation. Whatever doesn't fit that list, don't do it. And don't beat yourself up for it either!
*DISCLAIMER* I am not saying that baking bread, healthy meals, sewing clothes etc are not important things. They are just not important to ME at this time*
Isn't it funny how those "stereotypes" come about? And they are stereotypes, are they not, coming from those who should least create them! I would say you are doing just fine, and if the kids have gummy bears every so often THEY will be just fine also!
ReplyDeleteI am thinking about a blog about the "family business" that each family has, though it may not be what puts food on the table. What this means is that it is whatever brings the family together. Even though we sometimes run in all different directions, there is something that brings it all together. If you are doing that, you are OK in my book!
Lisa, I seriously connect with this! Thank you for putting it out there. I am a new follower and can't wait to read more!
ReplyDeleteI popped over from simple homeschool. I love this post! Todd Wilson has been SUCH a blessing and encouragement to me over the past few years! When I have one of those "I feel like a failure, etc" days, I pull out his book or listen to him talk. Thanks for "keeping it real", as he says. By the way, I'm Laura. It's nice to meet you!
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